1985 River View Farm

The first time I saw "In Cold Blood" was when it first came out in 1967 and my parents, sister, and I were living in Bernardsville, NJ.  

Movie "In Cold Blood"

My sister Lydia and I went to see the movie by ourselves.  My parents dropped us off on the way to dinner with some friends.  The movie scared the bejesus out of me.  It was so bad I actually held onto my sister's arm (and I didn't touch her, ever).  Finally, I was so scared I went out in the lobby and called my parents to tell them to come get us right away.  

What had frightened me so badly was that the Clutters were totally innocent victims.  It made me realize I could be one too.  It showed me how vulnerable we all are.  Apparently, I had believed that as long as I didn't do anything bad, I would be safe.  Not so.  Our house was surrounded by trees, lots of them that used to make noise in the wind.  It was weeks before I wouldn't shiver when I heard them, even though I had a German Shepherd sleeping on my bed.

The Clutter Family

I also think I related to Nancy Clutter.  She was out riding her horse on the river that day.  She was not that much younger than I was.  And she was innocent.  And she was brutally killed.  At that time, I hadn't read the book, though my mother had.  After the movie, I decided to read it and decided it was considerably less frightening than the movie, but also in a way it was more so.

The next time I saw the movie was when I lived in New York, probably around 1970.  My husband David, Lydia, and I were supposed to drive to Boston for some reason I can't remember.  The weather was nasty and I decided not to go.  After they left, I saw that "In Cold Blood" was on TV..  I decided to watch it again to get rid of that awful fear from years before.  I left the lights on, and watched it with my 3 dogs.  It was scary, but this time I was ready.  Reading the book had also taken away some of the fear.

In 1985, I was living in Vernon, Texas, and was married to Trey.  His friend Gordon Haynes had had white German Shepherds for many years, and we decided to get a puppy.  I drove to Garden City, Kansas, to get our puppy.  


When I arrived in Garden City, I saw a sign that said Holcomb 7 miles.  Holcomb, Kansas.  Wasn't that where the Clutters' farm was, River View Farm?  I decided to go before I went to see the puppy.

I found the house right away.  That long driveway with the trees was still there.  It had been close to 20 years since I first was so terrified by that movie, but it all came back.  It affected me more than I had expected, but I'll never forget it.